So recently, my business relocated. We now share a building with a technical college. You know, one of those fast track schools where they train Medical Assistants, Respiratory Health Assistants and rent a cops? Or maybe the are corrections guys... Who knows. They wear knock- off CHP uniforms, and scrubs. But their uniforms are besides the point. These women and girls alike have atrocious bathroom behavior. Beyond having to put in a 3 digit code on a mechanical keypad to even gain access to this mess...
Let me introduce you to the ladies of the restroom.
"The Ripper" -
Have you ever been sitting in your stall just minding your own business when you hear a lady "rip one"? I mean, comeon' now ladies... That's kinda gross, but whoever you are out there that have no shame when it comes to flatulence, You shall now be dubbed "The Ripper"
For these ladies, they must have grown up without a love for nature. You know who I'm talking about... the person who uses an exorbitant amount of toilet paper. You will hear the roll spin and then spin some more... Oh wait and shes not done, it keeps SPINNING. What in the world are they wiping? Do they have a vagina of a woolly mammoth? Put down the roll Ma'am. 4 Squares should suffice.
"The Social Butterfly" -
No, don't confuse this term with the girls who are the life of the party, These are the girls that take the party to the toilet. They text, make important phone calls... like calling the sitter, or just a quick "happy birthday" to their ex. That's when the smart girls in the stall next door, flush the toilet twice. Or, this is when you have permission to turn into the "ripper".
And last but not least...
"The Cootie Queen"-
Yes, you guessed it. The ones that flush and rush. No soap, no water... just a soiled disgusting palm on the door handle. Um, WTF? Is your immune system made of steel? Or do you just like infecting the rest of the world with your gosh-awful diseases? Give me a break, And little nursing assistant students... We see your drab blue scrubs, and your white basic shoes... WE KNOW ITS YOU.
Ahhhh, I feel so much better now that I got that off my chest, and I think I gotta pee ;)