Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
She moved in to my apartment the day I found out TJ died, and she was right there on the ground with me in complete and utter grief. I can say she's a good part of the reason I made it through that hard time and when the grief hits me suddenly at times... I know I can count on her to just hold my hand.
Inside jokes, mood swings and bad hair days... We always find the humor together.
All I know is this. I super duper love this girl.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
He has been the reason for my smile lately,
You know it has been super hard to smile. Life can really throw curve balls that can stress you out, make you so overwhelmed that you forget to appreciate the little things that life has to offer. Like friendship, and people that come in to your life for reasons unknown, and sometimes leave your life too soon. All I know is that sometimes we need a little reminder to appreciate and show appreciation to those who we care about and who care about us. Give hugs more often, smile at strangers who look sad. And never take this life for granted.
But this man (above) has figured out just what needs to be done to make a girl feel happy. I met him at my second job. Always being social that Sheldon, he would dance out on the floor not at all too shy to show off his moves... his skills. I had a curious mind. Who is this guy?? I knew I wanted to meet him. Thinking back on it, I am not 100% sure how exactly we actually met and began talking; But I knew this instantly, Mr. Perry and I... we would be friends. He listens to me rant, he always says just one simple word (cant tell you what it is) that brings an instant warmth to me. I'm so grateful. Grateful for him, grateful for Samm. My family... I'm just so very lucky. SO SO SO Incredibly lucky. Did I mention I am a lucky girl??
It has only been a few weeks, but I know you will probably be hearing a lot about Sheldon, as I see him being an important part of my life from now on.
It is going to be an incredible summer. I just know it.
Why do I have to try and figure everything out? Is it that I am protecting myself? Do I want to push you away... Or do I want you to make an effort to stay. Who knows. I just know the only person you can be honest with is yourself.
If you try and say what you feel, its all taken incorrectly. Always. Is it taken as needy? Drama? Petty? - Maybe all of the above, but what I know is this...
I am a kick ass girl. Any man would be lucky to have me, and any girl would be lucky to be my friend. I treat the people important to me in life like treasures. I always feel as if the love I give is either taken wrong or for granted...
David for instance...was a mess when I left him, begging me back as he then realized what he had was pretty good, and now it was gone.
Funny. If he would have just showed a little bit more appreciation to me, Id probably have a ring on my finger as I write today.
TJ did the same thing. Realized what he had was good. Problem is it took him a year to figure it out, then died a couple months later.
I think of him every day, and I hate to say it... But I think him dying will always effect me in my relationships. Apparently, to a disadvantage.
I promised myself when TJ died that I would just say how I felt. Not put my heart on my sleeve, make sure that I was in it to win it, and not going to be left in the dust. That I would never ever be taken advantage of again, that I would expect the best and deal with nothing less. If I felt something, or thought it (and it wasn't incredibly irrational) I was going to say it.
Those words that I was always afraid to let escape my lips, will be heard. "I care about you"... "I want you in my life"... "I love you"
And if rejection comes, Ill deal with it as a grown ass woman, because I know that I am worth it.
Ahhhh. Just get me away. I need a VACAY!
Monday, June 8, 2009
With all his goodies
We raised 400 dollars for Hank.