Yum.

Water retention never tasted so good.

Progress...

So I have been feeling like im falling into a relapse. Im eating whatever I want again - and havent been to the gym. I am so incredibly scared of getting back to my prior size, that I cannot get it off my mind.

My excuses for both are - I only live once. Eat what I want. and... I've been sick for two weeks, plus dancing on Fridays is at least 2 days of working out :)
None which should be valid.

Before Pictures.

It has been a difficult road to where I am now. With this new life, new confidence, spirit and body... comes a lot of different things that I now have to deal with.

Im extremely consious of every bite in my mouth. I imagine the brownie on my hips, or the Taco Bell on my thighs. It is difficult... Man I love brownies!!

There was nothing wrong with who I was physically before. I have always found the beauty in myself, I just had no confidence and I was unhappy. Im super fantastically happy now, just a bit stressed over every calorie and fat gram. Hopefully it gets better with time. I always feel 110% better when I am taking care of my body.

But now... some promises to myself.

- Back on the treadmill tonight.

-Hitting the weights

& Eating right

:)

Introducing... TEAM RODRIGUEZ

The front of the shirts say "Team Rodriguez"

The backs of the shirts say "Captain Hickey" Which is Samm

And "Co-Captain Chavez" - Me :)

I'm good with second in command... I swear.

It all began one cold evening in January. Samm and I were invited down town to a lounge. We went. We enjoyed. We had fun, met some new friends and called it a night. Kristie's new friend... We will call him CoPo... He kinda turned out to be a total... hmmmm.... whats a good word. Douche bag? Yeah. Douche bag. Either way he is the beginning of Team Rodriguez.

We met CoPo at the lounge - CoPo and Kristie exchange numbers - CoPo happens to be a comedian- CoPo wants Kristie & Samm to come support him at his next comedic event in downtown- Kristie & Samm Go.

Then it happened.

One of the opening acts was Mr. Ellis Rodriguez.

We were in love.

Samm was more in love than I of course. Comedians definitely don't do it for me :)

Anywho... Samm was hyperventilating in the seat next to me. This man, Mr. Rodriguez was not going to get away from her. He... Was her "future ex husband".

So I approach this fine gentleman, ask for him to take a picture with my friend... And we have not been apart since. We have made friends now with an incredible group of comedians, who know just how to make us laugh. The night I found out TJ died, I went to an open mic night, and all these guys made sure to make me smile thru the tears. They are incredibly genuine, interesting, and sweet guys. And I am blessed that I have met them.

It really makes me feel like you meet people for a reason. -Thanks CoPo for bringing me to these amazing people.

We are the Fan Club. We are the Cheerleaders. We are the future of Team Rodriguez.

(He is super funny- You Tube him - Ellis Rodriguez Comedy)

Let's A Go Go!!

WARNING: Contains Mature Adult Content - May not be suitable for someone who does not have an open non judgemental mind.

So I started doing the Go Go thing.

My Mother... She thinks I'm a stripper. Not the case, Strippers get paid way more than I do. Plus they do things that when I think about them I blush.

I have tried to put things into perspective for my parents.

A. I don't & never have touched a drug in my life

B. I work a normal 8-5 Job.

C. I don't have babies without daddies running around

D. No DUI's or run in's with the law, that seem to be Oh so popular with my generation.

E. I'm not a prostitute, or a stripper (I SWEAR MOM!!)

It's just a side job, that I get paid to dance in a bathing suit, and burn 2000 calories each Friday/Saturday night. That's all.

I mean look at the smile on my face ^

And the smile on his ^ (our lucky little neighbor)

I promise I would never do anything that would be inappropriate or putting myself in harms way. We have these amazing bouncers, that never take their eyes off of us. If one guy/girl touches us. They are promptly escorted out.

(- yeah we have more problems with girls than guys... imagine that-)

I love what I do on the weekends. It's fun & I enjoy it.

I wish for the approval from everyone in my life, but I know I won't get it. I'm sure there's those that say things that I don't know about, and smile to my face...

Either way, I like it. And I'm going to stick with it for now

Enjoy the photos :)

Home Sweet Home.

We found it. It's gorgeous... Our backyard is Folsom Lake.

We got one heck of a deal, and Im super excited.
The Patio is HUGE.

Im excited.

Just thought I'd share.

Looking for a new place.

So Im trying not to stress out too bad about moving... again.

I swear I move once a year! I just want to find my place in this world and stay there :)

I don't want to pack... I dont want to find trucks, or help; I don't want to even find a place.

I just want to stay where I am. Im really waiting and putting it off last minute. My roomate and I have such opposite schedules, its going to be hard to have a day to go look and fill out paperwork together.

I need another day off. Badly... My lease is up in a month :)

Wish me luck and happy searching!!

Dance it off.

I'm go go dancing again tonight. I'm not sure If I am 100% looking forward to it or not. I'm drinking up my electrolytes, and I actually enjoyed some carbohydrates.

It is such a great workout, and this is my #2 reason for doing it... Ill give you my top 10 reasons you should give Go-Go Dancing a shot.

1. They pay you to dance... (I know right!?! Score!)
2. It is the best high energy, body intensive workout you have ever had.
3. You don't sweat. - Women don't sweat... We glisten
4. Go Go Boots are flattering on anyone. I swear it.
5. You get to help keep everyone dancing.
6. It is a rush to be up in front of a bunch of people showing off your moves.
7. There is a song that goes "Move move, shake shake now Drop Drop Drop Drop" Its the funnest challenge since my multiplication tables in grade school. 8 time 8 fell on the floor, picked it up and it was 64!
8. While you dance, there is nothing else you can think about - other than what your next dance move is going to be, or how your going to un-noticeably mop the sweat- I mean the Glisten- from your brow.
9. I get to be out there with my Best Friend. Who I couldn't imagine doing this without.
10. You get to dress up. And I mean DRESS up. Glitter, stones big hair, lots of make up. Its a blast.


So Ill let you borrow my boots, and you can take the pedestal for a spin.

-Ill possibly have some pictures to post on monday :)

Xoxo

My heart is sad

I think about 'him' all the time. I close my eyes and its hard not to imagine his last moments. The thoughts that were going through his head. I think "I hope he did not feel pain".
It doesn't feel real. I call his cell phone at least once a day to hear his voice. Each time it makes my heart break a little more. I have his pictures everywhere. I don't know if this is healthy or not. Every time I look at my phone, his face is there. Smiling, with bright shining eyes. We looked so very happy.

Its like I am trying to make myself believe it.

I had to read the obituaries over and over to see if I could get it to set in. It did not work.
I made memorial items to put on the side of the road where he died. Part of me wants to go there... the last place he was. Another part of me, thinks that it will be way to painful.
The funeral was just a service. No casket. No closure. I feel like I needed to see him lowered into the ground. How morbid right?

There is something about him that will make it hard for me to ever let it go. He had so much going for him, such a future. He had worked so hard, graduated college, took numerous courses. He had a baby girl. Alyssa. One day I will go to her, when she is older... And tell her how incredible her father was. I'm sick to my stomach that he had so much trouble getting to see her. He just wanted to be with her more.

I also have a hate in my soul that I have never felt before. I would never act on it... So know this.
But the girl that was driving that car, I'm so angry. I'm so very angry at her. I'm angry at him! I'm so upset that he would even make the decision to be in the vehicle with someone who was drinking. I'm angry at the whole situation and it just makes me want to scream.

This is effecting me. To the point where I cant sleep. I cant eat without feeling sick... I cant function like I used to. I'm starting to smile again, but its rare. I'm to myself and just like being alone.

I know everyone deals with grieving in different ways. I just don't know how to deal.
Ive learned a lot from this on the other hand. I know that I will never take anyone for granted... I wont play that dating game. I wont act like I don't care, or that I have better things to do. When I want to call... Ill call. And when I care about someone... Ill make sure they know that I do.

A funny memory popped in my head two days ago. This whole time I had been stressing about if I really told 'him' that I loved him more than once.

I DID.

Thank you drunk dialing. - A couple months ago, I called him. Very late. I had had a couple beverages and had been out with the girls all night. He was the first and only person I called.
I left him a message that slurr-ily went something like this... "Hey! It's me. I just called to say... I love you. So yeah, I love you?!. Call me back. Love you!" A few days later, not even recalling this drunk dial, he came over and told me he had something he just loved that he wanted me to hear. He pulls out his phone, puts it on speaker, and goes to his saved messages.
And there it was. My voice, music in the background, and I'm sure lots of alcohol on my breath...
"I love you".

I said it. And I thank Grey Goose and Cranberry for the courage.
- This, is the one smile that has been cause of this sadness.

I'm really bad with death. My heart... is so sad.

Note to self.

Keep the curling iron away from your neck. It hurts like a bee-atch.
- And that my friends is the lesson of the day.

Oh and B-T-W : Burn Gel... promises to relieve the pain... SO not the case.

Working on it.

Gray skies are gonna clear up,
put on a happy face;
Wipe off the clouds and cheer up,
put on a happy face.
Take off that gloomy mask of tragedy - it's not your style
You'd look so good that you'd be glad that you decided to smile
Pick out a pleasant outlook, stick out that nobel chin;
Wipe off that full-of-doubt look, slap on a happy grin.
Spread sunshine all over the place
And just put on a happy, put on a happy,Put on a happy face.