A ramble.

It's a Tuesday. I'm at work. I sit here each day while a phone annoyingly buzzes in my ear, eagerly begging to be answered... Over and over.

After the second call of the morning, I'm already over it.

"Thank you for Calling, this is Kristie... How can I help you?"

- I don't want to help them usually. They- being brokers. Jerks is what I like to call them, they have nasty attitudes that make them quite unpleasant. Sure... Go ahead Mr. Broker... Talk to me like I'm the dumb receptionist with bright blond hair and pink lipstick, that sits at her desk files her nails and says "um... like... um" all day. Whatever.

Not the case. Truly. I'm the opposite. Sometimes I just wish they would give me a chance. Its okay though, one day.

I feel like I'm being wasted, I have the capacity for so much more and yet, still at the bottom of the food chain I sit. Just waiting for the animal "Economy" to eat me. I'm just waiting for that day.

So why is it, I do have a job and yet I complain you ask?? Well, It is human nature. Sometimes we just need to get it all out, this my friends is what I am doing. Just venting. It is challenging every day, but its stressfully frustratingly challenging. Not challenging in the sense that it is helping me learn something, and broadening my skill set. (Sheldon Perry just called me... Yay.)

*sigh*

Deep breathe.

I feel kind of down this week I guess, I just don't feel like myself. I have been getting back in the gym, and stopped eating crap foods again, and I still just feel super down and out. I cannot put my finger on what is exactly bothering me, but I will get over it. Writing always helps.

I don't know why, I met an incredible man, I have amazing family (Mom and Dad and Sis's are truly my strongholds) And I live with my best friend.

I guess I'm just scared of some things right now. Feel a little let down, and am just letting it overtake me this week.

Time to change my mood, and find my center.

This post was a lot of nothing with extra rambling. Sorry.

My Bee Eff Eff - Sismance

Samantha La Rae Hickey

Ain't she Sweet??

How do you describe a "best friend". Is it really your best? I mean is it your favorite friend? The friend that you are with the most? I don't care about terms,

Ill call her my everything friend.

I love this girl so much, she has really stepped into my life and changed it for the better.
She moved in to my apartment the day I found out TJ died, and she was right there on the ground with me in complete and utter grief. I can say she's a good part of the reason I made it through that hard time and when the grief hits me suddenly at times... I know I can count on her to just hold my hand.

Having her as a friend is pretty fantastic. I think we have taught each other a lot. Samantha has taught me the beauty of fake hair and the words "slightly intoxicated"... yes... there is intoxicated and slightly intoxicated.

I can wake her up out of a dead sleep and have her help me search for my keys at 6am,wandering around in a stupor, when they were in my purse the whole time... I can call her just to talk about nothing, or just complain about nothing, even though we will see each other an hour later.

Inside jokes, mood swings and bad hair days... We always find the humor together.

Friends are hard to find... Especially female friends. Samantha and I always have each other's backs, and it is pretty amazing to have a friend you can 100% count on.

What do they call two girls platonic romance? Like a sis-mance maybe? Ha.

All I know is this. I super duper love this girl.

Meet Sheldon

Meet Mr. Perry

He has been the reason for my smile lately,

You know it has been super hard to smile. Life can really throw curve balls that can stress you out, make you so overwhelmed that you forget to appreciate the little things that life has to offer. Like friendship, and people that come in to your life for reasons unknown, and sometimes leave your life too soon. All I know is that sometimes we need a little reminder to appreciate and show appreciation to those who we care about and who care about us. Give hugs more often, smile at strangers who look sad. And never take this life for granted.

But this man (above) has figured out just what needs to be done to make a girl feel happy. I met him at my second job. Always being social that Sheldon, he would dance out on the floor not at all too shy to show off his moves... his skills. I had a curious mind. Who is this guy?? I knew I wanted to meet him. Thinking back on it, I am not 100% sure how exactly we actually met and began talking; But I knew this instantly, Mr. Perry and I... we would be friends. He listens to me rant, he always says just one simple word (cant tell you what it is) that brings an instant warmth to me. I'm so grateful. Grateful for him, grateful for Samm. My family... I'm just so very lucky. SO SO SO Incredibly lucky. Did I mention I am a lucky girl??

It has only been a few weeks, but I know you will probably be hearing a lot about Sheldon, as I see him being an important part of my life from now on.

It is going to be an incredible summer. I just know it.

Just need a break.

Why is it so confusing?

Why do I have to try and figure everything out? Is it that I am protecting myself? Do I want to push you away... Or do I want you to make an effort to stay. Who knows. I just know the only person you can be honest with is yourself.

If you try and say what you feel, its all taken incorrectly. Always. Is it taken as needy? Drama? Petty? - Maybe all of the above, but what I know is this...

I am a kick ass girl. Any man would be lucky to have me, and any girl would be lucky to be my friend. I treat the people important to me in life like treasures. I always feel as if the love I give is either taken wrong or for granted...

David for instance...was a mess when I left him, begging me back as he then realized what he had was pretty good, and now it was gone.
Funny. If he would have just showed a little bit more appreciation to me, Id probably have a ring on my finger as I write today.

TJ did the same thing. Realized what he had was good. Problem is it took him a year to figure it out, then died a couple months later.
I think of him every day, and I hate to say it... But I think him dying will always effect me in my relationships. Apparently, to a disadvantage.

I promised myself when TJ died that I would just say how I felt. Not put my heart on my sleeve, make sure that I was in it to win it, and not going to be left in the dust. That I would never ever be taken advantage of again, that I would expect the best and deal with nothing less. If I felt something, or thought it (and it wasn't incredibly irrational) I was going to say it.

Those words that I was always afraid to let escape my lips, will be heard. "I care about you"... "I want you in my life"... "I love you"

And if rejection comes, Ill deal with it as a grown ass woman, because I know that I am worth it.

Ahhhh. Just get me away. I need a VACAY!

We Bake for Hank

Here is some pictures from the Bake sale that we had for Hank.

Hank is super sweet, He really was overwhelmed with all the women that just could not wait to get a moment of his time. Our personal little celebrity.

Look at me here, how lucky am I? I should have gotten his autograph!

Hank & I

With all his goodies

Hank & I Again...

Hank with his biggest fans

We raised 400 dollars for Hank.

How excited am I? I have such an amazing team of people that I work with.

Thanks everyone for contributing.

And if you haven't checked out these links... DO IT DO IT! & Donate!

www.helpinghandsforhank.com

www.thehankchronicles.blogspot.com

Just Dance.

Have you heard this song?

The lyrics really make sense to me.

"Just Dance... It will be okay"

"Just Dance, Spin that record Babe..."

Have you ever felt that way? Where you go out with your friends, feel totally out of control, have no idea whats going on... And you go out on the dance floor and just dance it off.

I did it all the time. Still do. I really enjoy lady GaGa.

Even though I can't stand to hear her anymore... Working at a club sure gets you sick of the "Top 40 Mashup" Which actually is like only 15 songs. Over and Over.

I listen to country now, outside of work.

Anyway... I'm looking forward to tonight. So I can go out and "Just Dance"

Wednesday

Yay.

One day closer to Friday.

Yay.

Just one of those days...

That makes me want to cry.

Limedays

So my friend April really loves lime green. I like green but not really lime...

Well Saturday, I was asked to wear this ridiculously bright color for work. I shuddered at the thought.... So I borrowed some of this awful color to wear, I put it on and well well well... Not so bad! I am happy to report I am a HUGE fan of lime green now, also... the party was a huge success. I have never danced a private party before, and was leery at first... but we had two bouncers escort us. It was extremely professional, the lady had go-go boxes built for us, and had lighting and bubbles... (P.S.- soap residue from bubbles on a box that your dancing on = NO BUENO)

I spent most of my day home on Sunday. Just cleaned house, enjoyed doing nothing. Our Internet (Sam calls it the Interim-net; because it only works when it wants to) keeps going out... So hopefully ATT will fix this problem today. If not, then I'm going to become the problem for ATT, and will walk my butt to India tap that silly broad on the shoulder who continues to say on the phone "We apologize Miss Chavez, Let me research" and flick her in the nose. Is that all those girls know?? Is there not more on that script they are reading to me? Ugh. I have spent too many hours of my life on the phone with ATT. I feel like they should pay me.

I miss my family back home. I thought a lot about Tehachapi today. I miss my mom's cooking and my Dad's coffee.

It's almost my little sister's 1 year wedding anniversary. I'm so dang proud of her. I love my little brother. They really are great together. I sent them to LA for their anniversary and Zaya's birthday. That LA trip I won, hopefully really made a nice trip for them.

Okay. Enough for now.

XOXO